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| How the heck am I supposed to wait on this when you're not? When you have no idea? Why on earth would God give me an answer and allow you to not know yet? Why would He want me to go through this? I have no idea what's going on right now. | | |
| I. Miss. You. I only write this here because I know you'll never read it. I love you. | | |
| Does anyone ever sit down and think about God's love? About how we can never ever fathom the love that He has for us? How He created the universe and how He does not need us one bit, but He chooses to use us because He wants us? How He always takes us back after we've turned away from Him and at times spit on Him? How He ushers us into His throne room by way of His one and only Son, Jesus, and helps us clean up our bloody knees and screwed up lives? How He continually pursues us and puts people in our path that will show us the way to Him, and how He blesses us? How He hurts when we hurt and rejoices when we rejoice, even though we forget to thank Him? How He never says "I told you so" but just shows us grace and forgiveness when we seek it? How He protects us every day from things unseen, and we never even think of all of the battles He's fought for us that day? I mean, think about how you would feel. If someone consistently hurt you and did things that they KNEW would hurt you, and then came crawling back every time. If you always did things for someone and it was never acknowledged or appreciated. You'd feel frustrated and probably give up on that person, or stop loving them. See, that's what makes this so amazing. God will always love us bigger. He won't give up when we would. He never gives up. That's pretty amazing...and I'm positive that I'll never understand it. And, it makes me sad, because even though I'm fully aware of all that I just typed...I'll probably do it again. And then, He'll prove it. He'll prove it to me again...that He loves me bigger | | |
| Latley I've been so tired...not just physically tired but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually tired. I don't know why either. I LOVE my job. I'm so happy with the church that I've found here in Decatur. I love the new friends that I'm making through my job and my church. I love seeing my family and I love the fact that I'm getting a new puppy ( a precious Basset Hound named Chloe). Our shelter bought her on a whim and then realized it would be much too difficult to take care of her with eight kids running around all the time. I'm much happier now that I don't have to deal with Justin and not having a clue where I stand with him. I've seen three kids come to know Christ since I started this job and I already recruited a foster family. But I'm still tired. So, so tired. Do I have what it takes to do this job? Is it just too much for me to handle? Am I tired because I'm not getting enough rest? Am I sick and I just don't know it? I have no clue. Dig deeper, push foward, run harder, press on...but maybe You could carry me. "I need to feel you like a fire, closer than the heart beat in my chest..." | | |
| It was like you took on a whole new form on Friday. This person that I had never seen before came out of you and I didn't like them one bit. The hatred and cold stare from your eyes chilled me to my core. I keep replaying the scene in my head..."I'm sorry....I didn't realize..." "Get out of my face...leave..." Mean eyes...tears...lots of tears...lots of waiting. Why did I even apologize? I didn't do anything wrong. I almost ruined everything for you. I didn't owe you any apologies. I always apologize when I don't need to. I have to stop doing that. I guess this is what I asked for. I asked God to show me if you weren't the right one even if it hurt me to show me. He knows how stubborn I can be. This was the first time I've ever been firm in ending a relationship...clean break. Yet, I'm still hurting...still confused. It really is true...that when a Christian dates someone who isn't equally yoked the one who is stronger is always brought down. I have to get back on track with my walk with God or nothing is ever going to be right in my life. Period. Thoughts...words...none of this makes sense I bet. | | |
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